The Multiple Meanings of the Word Soon, and Other Reflections on the Secret Knowledge of the Hanson Fan Base

By Lisa Mulé
(lisact@hanson.net)


The New Lexicon Webster’s Dictionary of the English Language, Encyclopedic Edition, coryright 1987 by Lexicon Publications Inc. has this to say about the word "SOON":

soon (su:n) adv. in a short time from now//close after a stated time or event//willingly//early... antonyms are late, overdue, slow, tardy

The English language is, however, full of metaphorical, idiomatic, and colloquial uses of words. All of us at Hanson.net have come, with understanding and patience, to know that "soon" in Hanson language, indeed in that faraway time zone known to the faithful as "Hanson Time", means:

soon (su:n) adv. at an uncertain time somewhere in the future, often seemingly used to stall for time or to avoid disappointing fans.

Hanson may not know that we are aware of the Hansonized meaning of the word "soon". This led me to wonder what else they may be surprised to learn about their fans... for example, do they know about:

1. Hair Dating? Does Hanson realize that ever since that fateful day in September, 1999, when the first photograph of a Hanson haircut appeared online, fans have used their hairstyles to date mystery photos? The conversations go something like this:

devotedgroupie1: "Ooooh is this a new photo? We haven’t seen one in months!"
hansonhairbabe: "No, you can see by Taylor’s hair, and Ike’s too, that it’s from the South American part of the TTA tour, when they both had just gotten it cut."
Devotedgroupie1: "Oh, gawd, you’re SO right!"

2. Power of Three: The fans tolerate members having a favorite brother, but no brother may be singled out by fans or the media for extra attention. If it ever happens, fans will post to try to equalize things:

ikeluver: "I love Ike’s vocals on Beautiful Eyes... he is just the BEST singer!"
trinitygal : "Ike’s voice is wonderful, but Taylor and Zac are great singers too! Without all three, always remember, it’s just not Hanson"

3. I Know Something You Don’t Know: Hanson fans are proud of their knowledge, shared by musicians and music industry insiders, that Hanson is not what pop culture thinks they are; namely, that they are fabulously talented singers/songwriters/musicians, and not pop icons of the past. We’re saddened by the public’s misperceptions, but smug in our secret awareness of their greatness, and a little scared of what might happen if the rest of the world realizes how good they are:

luvthoseboyz: "Do you ever wonder what it will be like if Underneath sells millions?"
band4me: "Oh, I so want that for them, but then all these, like teenies will be joining H.net to get tickets and passes and stuff..."

Which brings us to...

4. The EMO/PUNK Problem: We’ve all seen those scary ebay auctions: "VINTAGE HANSON SHIRT PUNK EMO UMBOPNESS"... Umbopness??? Well, the point is, now our favorite band has become so uncool that they are in danger of being very cool (Didn’t Taylor once say something about that?). Here’s an actual description from an item currently up for bid on eBay:
"VINTAGE HANSON T SHIRT HERE...UMBOP FLIPPI FLOP THIS ONE ON YOUR BACK AND BE THE COOLEST DUDE AT THE PARTY!!!" Uh-oh... they may not have the lyrics right, but the underground is onto us!


5. Detectives and Spies: Because the band hasn’t been in the public eye, Hanson’s fans have developed rather uncanny skills at tracking down any news, scoops, photos, and rumors anywhere on the web, and at infiltrating other websites and planting The Truth in the name of the cause. It has to be done casually ...

On the Ratdog page:

weirdeadone: "I can’t believe Bob brought that Hanson kid up on stage"
picketfence: "Actually, Bobby has a lot of respect for the Hanson guys. They’re not kids any more you know. I caught them onstage with Weir and Wasserman at the Wetlands in ’99... that Taylor can really play the keys."
weirdeadone: "Cool. Hey, dude where’d ya get that username?"
picketfence: "Oh, uh... I don’t know... "

So now we sit here and await, we look at you and anticipate... honing our secret knowledge and our newfound skills. Soon, (whenever soon may turn out to be!) we will be able to use our unique knowledge and skills to create a highly effective Street Team, the likes of which has never been seen before. So to Hanson we say: we’re ready whenever you are, and we're behind you all the way!