TRIGGER WARNING: If you're going to be insensitive in comments, I might snap back... this is a lament and a sensitive topic.
I never really saw family over Christmas, especially since my dad died in 2011. In 2012 (or possibly even 2013; I can't remember) I wailed at my mom over the phone that I hadn't seen my brother since his first wedding day in 2007. At least he came to visit me that year I guess.
In 2014, I had my operation, which was the only reason that I was out at my mom's farm (I was recuperating there, and the reason why my brother and his family weren't down that year. That was the last time I would have Christmas trifle.
In 2015, I had just got my cat a week before and didn't want to leave him, although I was asked if I wanted to go out. I suppose I only have myself to blame for that. That was the year my Christmas lunch was a piece of toast.
In 2016, I was told there was no room for me to sleep since there was only one extra bedroom and my brother had two children by that time. So I wasn't welcome, despite my claims that I could sleep on a couch. I guess that year I actually had syrup to put on the piece of toast, so it wasn't that bad.
Last year, I wasn't going to take any chances. I made plans early, anticipating what was going to happen. My mom phoned me and I told her that I was worried that I would be alone again so I had made other plans. Little did I know, and nor did she say at the time, but she actually wanted me to be there last year, but since I had said I had made plans with people from the church she had left it.
She told me in March or May when I visited that she wanted me out there this year. I can't help but think that the only reason that was going to be the case was that my brother was initially going to move with his family to Switzerland in August...
Well, my mom died at the beginning of August... at least I have seen my brother more in the past four months than I had since 2002, but... all I want right now is Christmas trifle