Public Forums | General | Best Friends Of The Opposite Sex - Discussion topic

8

robinbond

This was an interesting discussion that we had at the Student Y on university campus today, and I thought it would be worth posting here to hear opinions. Firstly, this is a very subjective topic and everyone is going to have a specific opinion based on their experiences or beliefs. So please can we try not to fight? Noone is right, and noone is wrong. We all come from different backgrounds, and it would be nice for an innocent topic to be discussed in a civil way.

The discussion topic was: is it possible for someone to have a best friend of the opposite sex (I specify sex because most people here know my edginess about gender) who is not your spouse, without the relationship involving anything more than being close  friends? 

My answer is a definitive YES! All of my really good friends since 2002 have been girls. Justin doesn't count in this case. I've known him since 1989.

Two of those girls / ladies I have known since the very early noughties and we are still extremely close friends. One is my best friend and the other ... well, we'll always be friends. 

The question was viewed from different perspectives at the venue; mostly from the side of not being married. I thought I had to put in two cents as someone who has been married.

So it's very much a personal thing I guess. My problem with the way the question was phrased was that it sort of presupposed that people (whether guys or girls) have no integrity, which is I think an incorrect starting point

What are your opinions?

10

lilzacbop

Katie Wanta
Orange, CT, US

I remember having a somewhat heated conversation about this with a friend when I was in high school. She was of the belief that in friendships of the opposite sex, one of them *had* to have feelings for the other, whether they made them known or not.  I disagreed - I always had guy friends and some of them I may have had a crush on but plenty of them I did not. Her theory was that if I didn't have feelings for them, they did for me, but I never had any reason to believe that to be true. I have more guy friends than girl friends - probably because I went to college for engineering and then spent the past 10 years as one of the only females at my job so a lot of my coworkers became friends and well, there were no females around. (And I do hang with some of them outside of work so it's not like it's only a professional relationship)

6

jackieboos

Jackie Boos
Roanoke, Texas, US

This is a bit of a "When Harry Met Sally" question. :) I personally think it is possible since I usually relate better to guys than to other girls. I am not really into drama or gossip and enjoy more typically "guy" humor movies most of the time, but it really depends on who you are around. I have discovered more often as an adult that there are many ladies like me out there who would rather be drinking beer at a baseball game than gossiping during a manicure.


Also, there is definitely zero physical attraction, at least on my end, with any of my guy friends.

5

EJWillis

Emma Willis
Christchurch, Canterbury, NZ

One of my best friends is male. We have been close friends since we were kids, I've known him a lot longer than I've known my husband, he's been my friend a lot longer than most of my female friends. Even as teenager we would have sleepovers - people always assumed it was more than just a friendship but it's never been more than that. And it never will be.

I know my husband does get a little jealous of our friendship when we hang out. He lives in another country now so I only see him a couple of times a year when he comes home but we have the best time together when we do see each other. 

My daughter (who is 8) has had mostly male friends right from preschool. He best friend is a boy. She has close friends who are girls but she spends most of her time at school playing with the boys. She doesn't like drama and yes, girls are catty and dramatic at 8 years old! *eye roll emoji* She plays basketball so spends a lot of time on the courts with the boys and has always been into cars, trucks and superheroes so just has more in common with boys. 

3

Crimsongale

Hmm I feel like this is one of those questions that resemble "which one came first - the chicken or the egg"?! It's a complex question that involves people who respect the boundaries of friendship. Some people can handle, some people can't and that's pretty much it. I have a few male friends and some who have gone their own ways. So there it is.

8

bcat

Lisa Lloyd
CBD, Auckland, NZ

From my personal perspective I say yes. But with that said I've also lost all my guy friends over the years because they all decided they wanted to date me eventually. I have no problem with being just friends with a guy and having genuinely zero desire for more than that though. 

3

Bghnelson

Rebecca Nelson
Houston, Texas, US

I have a few close friends of the opposite sex.

My husband and I are high school sweethearts, so I never lost friends due to unrequited feelings as I've always been "taken". However, when we got engaged, the majority of my husband's female friends just stopped talking to him. We'd been dating (on and off, 'cause high school...) for five years and seriously talking about marriage for over two and yet when the ring was actually on my finger these ladies (who were friends/acquaintances with me as well) dropped him like a hot potato. Maybe we were all so young that they didn't know how to behave and were trying to be respectful, but I know it hurt him. 

10

lorehanson2005

lorena rodriguez
Buceo, Montevideo, UY

From my personal experience: Yes, totally! 

SherylR

I think you definitely can have platonic relationships with the opposite sex.  The question reminded me of my late husband early in our relationship.. We worked at the same place  - and he had many friendships going on both male and female.  There was one lady in particular that he was very close to and they had been friends for years.  Once our relationship was made common knowledge I noticed the hubby didn't hang around with said lady any longer.  I asked him if they had words and he said no he just assumed I wouldn't like him to be friends with other women.  Well he was wrong and I demanded he tend to her as the good, longtime friend she was.  I still talk to her to this day.  

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